so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
