there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
