I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
