So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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