Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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