You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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