Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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