Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
