Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
operation have a gay friend backfired
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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