i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
