Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize