So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
