Define "chronic" masturbator.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
