Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
