thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
