Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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