Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
