you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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