piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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