I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
