tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had to cum in my sink.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
