she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
