She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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