I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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