Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
