So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
