I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
