I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
home. puking in laundry basket.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
