If i come over, it means nothing
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
