I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
