Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
