never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
