Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
