ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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