Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
