I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
