hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize