you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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