i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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