Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
