also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize