did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
