If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
