What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
