Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
