in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
