my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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