i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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