a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is my gift to your gina
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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