I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
