Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
