don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
