This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
