Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
