life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
