right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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