WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
