just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
