I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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