I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
