The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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