oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
