if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
