...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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