We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love black thongs
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
