my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
