I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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