my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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