grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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