sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
