Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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