Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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