YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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