I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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