This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
