It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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