So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
