i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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