I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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