he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
